An effective tool for learning social grace and navigating moment-to-moment social situations is to flip the script. This involves considering the perspective of the other. Some examples:

While feeling anxious around others, our self-focused thoughts might be something like “Do others like me? Are they giving me the acceptance I want?” We can flip the script and look at it from the other perspective, “Do I like those around me? Am giving them the acceptance that they want?”

If we are in a state of self-pity and wondering “Why doesn’t anyone reach out to me? I would feel better if someone reached out.”, we can flip it around and consider “Why don’t I reach out to other people? They would feel better if I reached out.”

When we are thinking “I wish I had someone to talk to, someone to really listen and care.”, we can consider also “Other people would enjoy having someone to talk to, and I could be a good listener, and care about them and what they said.”

If in a social situation we are feeling unsure and insecure, and thinking “I am nervous, I am worried the people around me will be mean to me, or judge me for something I am or something I say or do.”, we can look at it from the other side and think “The people around me may be worried about whether I’ll be mean to them, and whether I’ll judge them.”

When doing this we recall that other people are basically like us and have similar wants, needs, and fears. We do not forget that others are different from us, however. We also recall principles such as reciprocity: if we want something from others, we must also give it to them. We are no exceptional. We are all just people in the world. If we want love, we should flip the script and consider how we can be loving to others.