Change is always possible. We are all changing constantly. Little changes can add up to big changes. Change can come from within via making different decisions that lead to new ways of thinking and acting. Over time a change of mind can lead to new habits which, over time, will harden into character. Our moment-to-moment decisions contribute to an overall arc of change that can be profound and life-altering. Having been one way for a long time does not preclude change of this nature. We can always decide in an instant to do things differently. We have agency/free will/volition and this can be used to self-direct the course of our lives to some extent.
Some change can come in an instant through learning new information. If, for example, a person believed they have a life-threatening allergy to a common food such as wheat they would naturally avoid not only foods with wheat, but foods which may contain wheat. They would experience a high degree of anxiety around food whose composition they did not know for sure. Restaurants would be terrifying, since any food could be potentially contain a lethal does, and so an activity as mundane as eating lunch could produce anxiety powerful enough to induce panic. If, however, they later learned that they did not have any allergy they would no longer feel such fear. Common foods would not longer cause them acute anxiety. Their life would change, possibly in a radical way. New social avenues around casual dining would open up and they could participate in social eating with less anxiety. Their core identity and nature would remain unaltered, but their lives would still be different simply as a result of learning something new.
Our brains change on a molecular level. It is called ‘brain plasticity’ or ‘neuroplasticity’. The functional elements of our brains, neurons, can grow and reorganize over time. Our brains literally change. Who we are as physical thinking entities will inevitably change over time. In the past it was believed that only young children have the capacity for such plasticity, but more modern research as shown that our brains can be altered through adulthood.[1][2][3] It is only true that we can change, but that we cannot help but change. We may as well take advantage of our innate capacity for growth and be as intentional as possible in our thoughts and actions so that we change for the better.
In the context of escaping loneliness this capacity for change is critical. At first what matters most is that we believe in change. It is impossible to maintain sustained focus and effort on a task if we believe the goal is ultimately not attainable; recognizing the potential for change allows us to have faith that our efforts to connect with others can be successful. Knowing that we can change ourselves down to our very neurons can give us hope that we will not always struggle so greatly with social interactions. This can motivate us to work hard even when things are difficult or uncomfortable. Over time, with enough practice, our brains will learn social grace and it will not longer terrify or exhaust us to be among others. It is possible to learn to love, trust, and relate to other people. Loneliness is not a permanent state, or at least it does not need to be.
CITATIONS:
[1] – Kolb B, Gibb R. Brain plasticity and behaviour in the developing brain. J Can Acad Child Adolesc Psychiatry. 2011;20(4):265-276. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3222570/ (Date Accessed: 18 June 2022)
[2] – Green CS, Bavelier D. Exercising your brain: a review of human brain plasticity and training-induced learning. Psychol Aging. 2008;23(4):692-701. doi:10.1037/a0014345 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2896818/ (Date Accessed: 18 June 2022)
[3] – Rakic, P. Neurogenesis in adult primate neocortex: an evaluation of the evidence. Nat Rev Neurosci 3, 65–71 (2002). https://doi.org/10.1038/nrn700 https://www.nature.com/articles/nrn700 (Date Accessed: 18 June 2022)